| Awww... it tis JUSTIN. |
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| 11:56pm 08/06/2005 |
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mood:  loved music: talking to Troy..
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To appease the oh so threatening demands of Dick-Tator Justinian...
I mean, my dearest and damn, MISSED, friend of yore.
I will give an answer to life's most deepest question:
What is currently your top 6 favorite songs?
(this is a toughie)
1. SOAD - "Violent Pornography"
2. Bright Eyes - "Lua"
3. The Streets - "Dry Your Eyes"
4. Modest Mouse - "Sleepwalking"
5. The Killers - "Mr. Brightside"
6. The White Stripes - "Little Ghost"
Pass that dutch...well, if you like, FILL THIS OUT BITCHES! |
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| Mesh-ing my heart. |
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| 11:53am 07/06/2005 |
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mood:  giddy music: computer lab noise...
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I am so incredibly in love... Troy. Thank you for this. And by this, you know exactly what I am speaking of. I cannot wait to curl back up on your bed, after a good swim later on today. Just remember, I know the mesh... ;) Love you. |
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| still in pain at 4:00 AM, she says to me, don't be scared... |
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| 09:55am 27/05/2005 |
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mood:  blank music: "Don't Be Scared" - Andrew Bird
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"whenever paul thinks of rain, swallows fall in a wave and tap on his window with their beaks. whenever paul thinks of snow, soft winds blow round his head and his phone rings just once late at night-like a bird calling out, 'wake up, paul. don't be scared. don't believe you're all alone.' 'wake up, paul,' whisper clouds rolling by and the seeds falling softly from the branches of the trees." |
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| Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler! |
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| 04:35am 30/04/2005 |
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mood:  amused music: PJ Harvey
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What do you get when you mix...
The Mars Volta
Mowgli (Our bartender turned chaffeur/good company)
Barely Legal Hustler Club (polite and very talented strippers!!)
Gordon Biersch (Heil! Banana Brew...)
SPIDERMAN!
30 dollars gone... for a good cause.. ass...
Bourbon Street!?!?
Hand granades
Maniac Man, at 5 AM
"...Hollaback Girl...", on loop
SCHWING!
SSSSSHHHHHHONNNNAAAA.... "I need a fucking cig, I just need to dance"
...
The results... insanity. |
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| Nuke'em |
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| 12:05am 01/04/2005 |
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mood: indifferent music: the rain
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All the rain can do is fall... Seems to be the trend these days. Everything is falling, either out of place or out of reach. I do not know anymore where I do really belong, or what sort of immediate future I am even looking at. I was thinking I was moving to Troy in the summer, but, that might not be happening, which is fine with me. I just, I need to be out of this house. I cannot really explain it and give my need justice, but, this living situation is just a stressor that I should not be having to "cope" or even "struggle" with.
And, I haven't even began to make up my incompletes that I have in three classes from Fall 2004, and summer is not too far away. And, apparently I can graduate this summer, so that leaves another crazy question of... what happens then? Do I try to find a job around here? Do I start working on my masters and take out loans that might end up hurting me in the future? Or do I just sit around, drink beer and by a goat or two?
I just feel so misplaced right now. And the one person that I want here to find me.. isn't. |
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| the fool. |
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| 09:23pm 30/03/2005 |
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mood:  crushed music: fuck
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Do I have stupid written on my forehead or something? |
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| Take a bite of this. |
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| 08:14am 30/03/2005 |
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mood:  cheerful music: ... silence, once more
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Fuck that shit. I am in love.
Last night I realized that, though I am in one of the lowest points of my life, I have the greatest reminder that it can only get better from here. Troy, you truly are the best.
Awake or asleep
Every memory I'll keep
When I'm deep in the dream of you.
- Chet Baker |
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| Finally... |
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| 08:50am 28/03/2005 |
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mood: impressed music: *clickety click click click*
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"The new tyranny, like other recent ones, depends, to a large degree, on a systematic abuse of language. Together we have to reclaim our hi-jacked words and reject the tyranny's nefarious euphemisms; if we do not, we will be left with only the word 'shame.'" - John Berger
Recently, those who have criticized the actions of the US government have been called "anti-American". Anti-Americanism is in the process of being consecrated into an ideology. The term is usually used by the American establishment to discredit and inaccurately define its critics. Once someone is branded anti-American, the chances are that he or she will be judged before they're heard and the argument will be lost in the welter of bruised national pride.
What does the term mean? That you're anti-jazz? Or that you're opposed to free speech? That you don't delight in Toni Morrison or John Updike? That you have a quarrel with giant sequoias? Does it mean you don't admire the hundreds of thousands of American citizens who marched against nuclear weapons, or the thousands of war resisters who forced their government to withdraw from Vietnam? Does it mean that you hate all Americans?
This sly conflation of America's music, literature, the breathtaking physical beauty of the land, the ordinary pleasures of ordinary people with criticism of the US government's foreign policy is a deliberate and extremely effective strategy. It's like a retreating army taking cover in a heavily populated city, hoping that the prospect of hitting civilian targets will deter enemy fire.
There are many Americans who would be mortified to be associated with their government's policies. The most scholarly, scathing, incisive, hilarious critiques of the hypocrisy and the contradictions in US government policy come from American citizens.
To call someone anti-American, indeed, to be anti-American, is not just racist, it's a failure of the imagination. An inability to see the world in terms other than those that the establishment has set out for you: If you don't love us, you hate us. If you're not good, you're evil. If you're not with us, you're with the terrorists. - Arundhati Roy
For more discussion: Arts & Opinion |
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| Is this really me awake since 5:00 AM? |
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| 05:35am 25/03/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative music: the rain...
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The Untimely Severing of Two Hearts as One.
this blanket of darkness burns in threads of light.
wake up to the rage of the heavens
angels and their nightmares, again.
turning and tossing and yearning in their sleep.
an eternal sleep, if you may.
who could not dream of 'might haves' and the such?
wake up to the thunderous sounds of regret.
but then the blanket fades over time.
tears pour down as light reveals the earth.
they wake up to realize, there are no dreams at all
as tears flood the earth, rivers rise over cities of loss.
but what is loss without gain?
wake up to taste the sadness of a raindrop...
and pray that thunder is the sound of hearts that never stop pounding.
pulsating the intensity of an infinite love. |
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| Fat Bastard, my ass... |
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| 12:05am 25/03/2005 |
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mood:  sick music: Yoko Kanno
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I got back earlier today from spending a great two days in Eufaula. Sandra, a girl that Troy works with, rented a cabin on the lake, (and this cabin was pimp-2 story, 3 bedrooms, nice furniture...), and had some friends come up to celebrate the finality of her divorce process. Everybody, excluding the scary rapist pouting guy, was really great... good company. There was alcohol for the taking, of all kinds... rum, tequilla, beer, vodka, whiskey... Mixers. And damn Troy can grill a hamburger.
And damn Troy can make a girl fall more in love with him with each moment. I woke up in his arms twice in a row. It is going to be a lonely night tonite.
Quote of the weekend:
Troy: "Are there cats around here?"
People in kitchen: "I don't think so, why?"
Troy: "Because I think a cat crawled up on my mouth last night and took a shit. (Referring to his morning breath)...
I died.
But yeah, it was alot of fun. A few of us went down and went weiner fishing, or attempted to. It ended up being more of a drunken, "Hey fishies, we are going to try and catch you, but we are just too drunk to get the line cast into the water..."
So yeah. I am off to Troy tomorrow to get my scholarship details confirmed. Summer is sneaking up on me... And I cannot miss out on going this semester. It is something I have been looking foward to for a while.
God, I have tons of incompletes from the Fall to make up. A 10-page paper, a 5-page, like 3 finals, and a quiz... Nah, I don't have enough to do.
Well, besides all of that. I have been running a fever all day, dealing with a throbbing ear, scratchy throat, sneezing, coughing, runny nose, nausea, and just the aches. Yeah, it looks like I got a hold of some nasty virus. But, it gave me good reason to lay around all night and get people to bring me popsicles and crushed ice.
Ok, but on that note, I just wanted to brief up a very perfect two days, and say that.... I love you Troy. I miss you and I wish I could open my bedroom door to find you under the covers.... |
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| screw you storm |
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| 09:47am 22/03/2005 |
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mood:  worried music: ...
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So, shall my plans for the night be damned by a few rain drops gone wrong? |
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| Just another manic, Sunday? |
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| 04:07pm 20/03/2005 |
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mood: apathetic music: the trainer in a transe
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This cannot be a Sunday.
And, I haven't seen the first damn Palm today...
why did I even wake up?
Next week we get to watch little kids stuff their faces with boiled eggs until their stomachs implode. I want front row seats. What a waste of a day though, really. I have been in this training room since 8 this morning, sitting, and currently doing more sitting in front of this graciously supplied Dell desktop. I have until 5, then my fun ends...
This tech trainer is killing me. Mondane, repetitive, slow... qualities that I had to work hard on even to give him that credit.
I do have things to look foward to though. The Mars Volta, seeing Troy, hopefully sooner than the time that elapsed last week, meeting with Margaret Dunn and hopefully getting a small ED group together, just for some self-help and motivation purposes. She is an older lady in Opp that runs a coffee shop/deli, and my doc told me that she is in recovery from an ED, and is looking for someone to just start some support in this area. Hey, maybe she will hook me up with free drinkage...
Also, The FF is coming up with a show on the 29th of April, and it seems like it has been ages since I have seen Troy break into a fucking hot, sexy sweat, over playing a guitar. I need this. soon...
COMPUTERS 4 LIFE! whoa, I need to snap back into reality from this class.
Ok, well, it sounds like I am the only one not paying attention, typing away on the keyboard. I guess I should slow these fingers down, be a bit more... mysterious.
ajkfjsdjf;jfajsdfjasfjjfjiewo! SIKE! |
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| Thank goodness for true democracy... |
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| 08:29am 20/03/2005 |
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mood:  cranky music: Training Class
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In Seoul
"Miss Rice, the North Korean people are dying and they are crying for your help," yelled the activist, German physician and former aid worker Norbert Vollertsen. He held up a poster that read "Freedom for North Korea: 50 Years Overdue," until a State Department employee ripped the poster in half.
As Rice took her seat for the news conference, security officers literally muffled Vollertsen while wrestling him to the carpeted floor. He had talked his way into the event before Rice arrived, but a U.S. Embassy public affairs officer recognized him at the last moment and demanded he be removed.
In replies to the Korean journalists, Rice described true democracy as the ability to "say what you wish, worship as you please and educate your children, boys and girls." |
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| Zzzzz's |
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| 11:10pm 19/03/2005 |
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mood:  sleepy music: SNL
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Why can I not escape Green Day, only to be trapped by "If I Was a Rich Girl...nananannananananannnananaananannanananananananananananananana..."
This question has puzzled me for weeks, but now I have just reached the brink of my sanity...
DIE GWEN, DIE!
My body is sore and my head is nodding off, as if I should go to sleep or something. I exhausted myself with a shovel and a hoe today. Went mad crazy on the weeds in our flower beds, and... I have to say I am very proud of my work. I called Troy while he was at work to brag about it, and he just begged for some of my Chinese food (it was shrimp, crabmeat and mixed veggies). I would beg also.. Damn it was good.
Well, it is true. I have burgandy hair now. I like it, and I plan on pimping it that color when I am all comfy in a casket...
I am really sleepy right now though. And coming up with more bull shite to fill in some space on here just doesn't seem worth the time. I just want to talk to Troy, crawl onto my couch, and get some snooze. Good night everyone. |
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| The good ole' stars and YIKES! |
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| 10:58am 17/03/2005 |
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mood: cold music: This horrid drone of confusion...
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So, I am in here trying to show a lady how to use the COPY/CUT/PASTE functions. I open up notepad and ask her to type out something, just to work with. And behold, what is fresh on her mind? What is the first thing she can randomly think of?
"I love America" ...
Now do I have proof that this nation is being brainwashed? Is this a bad case of Mindspeak? |
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| Wait, was that me talking... No. |
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| 06:36am 16/03/2005 |
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mood:  awake music: The Postal Service
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If any of you (that I see on a regular basis) are interested in continuing to carry on conversations with me, I suggest you polish up on some American Sign Language skills... carry a pen and pad with you... or just avoid me at all costs...
Yes, I have basically lost my voice. It still has its moments where it likes to tease me with the hope that I can communicate with the rest of society. But, in the end, it fades back into my voice box, locks up, puts up the CLOSED sign, and kicks back for a few drinks.
Well, it is off to training at Client Logic. Yes, I have bowed back down to the demands of Dell... But, I am just glad of the promise of having a steady paycheck once again...
OH, I AM GOING TO THE MARS VOLTA SHOW IN ORLEANS!!!!!!!!!!! SUCKHS....
oh, and... Troy and me, DEAD BABY HOUSE. so so soon, cannot wait. Too bad nobody else is cool like us, where we thouroughly enjoy the deathplace of a small infant. well, we don't focus on that aspect too too much. Much fun is in store for, not you, but ME!
Bought the ticket last night. About wet my pants, I was so excited. Ok.
Me = Needs to go take a shower. pronto.
Have a nice day. And, just know that I am not giving you the silent treatment. Unless you have already done something to deserve it.... |
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| yarg. |
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| 01:27am 13/03/2005 |
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mood: sleepy music: ....
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I can say this day has been all sorts of viva variety. I began this morning feeling horribly sick after eating some waffles that my mom made. I let is pass, and pretty soon the feeling in my stomach died down a bit. So, I celebrated with a discussion about funeral arrangements with my mother and my granny. I made it clear that I do want a black, or charcoal casket... but, I would really like to find a way to have a red, or darker color lining for the interior. Customize that shit. No, I seriously had a talk with them... Simply because I haven't the slightest clue what I would dress my mom in if she were to pass. Don't know what her favorite color is, favorite flower.. With my granny, I have a few ideas. I know she wants the bagpipes. And she likes the color peach.
I still cannot really decide what type of getup I would like. I truly despise visitations, and I would rather not have one for myself... but, I still need the attention you get at a visitation. I mean, come on, someone needs to pay me some respect... even if I am already stiff.
So, anyways, the day passed... Ended up eating at the mexican place with mom and Jimmy for supper, and then picking up Matt, and going back to the place for margaritas... Very strong ones at that. We rode up and shot some pool at Rigas'. I won EVERY GAME... yeah, that happened.
Tried our hardest to wake up the zombie rattlesnakes in the cage on display uptown. I am going to lead a march on HWY 331 to free those snakes.. pour souls. They did not even move a small bit. Not even a tongue. I was relieved, a bit.
Now, I am still feeling a bit sick. And I am guessing bedtime would be more appropriate than staying awake and straining my eyes time.
I love Troy. I cannot believe how much it is possible to miss one person, so much.. but, it fucking happened tonite. Constantly had my hand on my phone, hoping I wouldn't miss your call for a second time. Needing, just to hear your voice. Yesterday was such a beautiful experience. That is just a glimpse at what we have to look foward to. Sleeping on the couch. Sleeping, all wrapped up in you. Drooling, very true. But, it was with you. 2 years you say... And it has been everything I never imagined.
ok, this is me going to sleep now... Night night |
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cherrygashes's journal